Wednesday, November 20, 2013

The "Black Damask (The Fog)"

Hey Everyone,
     I decided to do another Motionless In White song because I just love them. This song is "Black Damask" from the "Infamous" album. It's the first song on the album and  though it has never been released as a single, it's one of my favorites from the album.
     Let's get started on the lyrics because this is kind of a lengthy song. You can find the words here. First he talks about himself and another person (we don't know who yet) but he is saying that he has this horrid black heart even if this person has "ice in (their) lungs". Then he makes a comment about the state of our world and our society, we all want to live this elegant life with this nice house and nice things but we also all want to do things that will prove to be destructive in the end in one way or another. And then I think he goes to talk about a relationship that is dead. It's basically saying that the relationship he is in is either dead or dying and he doesn't know what to do.
And that's basically what the song is about. The death of a relationship and how difficult that is when you don't want to let go. He feels cursed to always have things like this happen to him and it gets to the chorus where he just can't stop thinking about it and he keeps himself up at night, to where he realizes that not only has he been lying to himself but so has she and they've both been lying to each other thinking that everything will be okay. But it won't. He is finally realizing it and so everything he once knew becomes unfamiliar- even her. I think she was lying to him and he finally saw through it and realized she was not the person he thought she was, which is where the lines "Now what have you become? You once felt like home; Now a ghost in the fog." and ""Miss Cadaverous", show me who you really fucking are" come into play. And again it talks about how this relationship is just dead but for some reason they're both just holding on and in the end it's only hurting them both more. I really think the line "Though it doesn't beat it breaks" is beautiful because I know I've felt that way before and I'm sure I'm not the only one. When you don't feel anything but somehow you're still hurting.
And then he has this line where you can tell he just decides to end it. He realizes that the whole thing has just been a mistake and he's just done. He's going to just "burn it fucking down". And then I love the part where he says "Now go back to the start, I still hear her voice but she's lost in the fog". I have always found it interesting that when a relationship ends (most of the time) that the people say "Oh, we  can be just friends, right?" and in the end you always just go back to the way life was before you knew each other. You become just awkward familiar strangers. I think that's kind of what this line is conveying. That feeling of knowing someone who isn't really a part of your life, they're just lost in the fog of the rest of the world. Then I like what he goes on to say about this girl. Honestly there are too many girls out there who are insecure and lonely and they think that they can just use a guy to make themselves feel better and it's not okay. It just hurts everyone involved. That's what this girl did. She didn't really love him she just used his love to make herself feel better.
     So I have a few messages to deliver here...
  1.  If you can feel in your relationship that something isn't right but you can't seem to let go for whatever reason, stop. You're just hurting yourself and the other person by continuing to build your web of lies that you still want to have a relationship with this person and you're not doing yourself any favors by believing it if that is what the other person is doing to you. You need to just let go- "right here, right now, burn it fucking down"
  2.  If you are just using a guy to make yourself feel or "look" better, stop that too! It's not fair to him first of all and second of all no guy is going to actually make you feel better about yourself. You can't just use love as a way to solve all your problems. It can't fix what's in your heart. You can't love someone else truly if you don't love yourself and it isn't fair to you to make yourself think that you can. In the end everything will just break apart and you'll feel awful again and you won't know what to do without a guy by your side. You can't let yourself become one of those girls who can't stand to be on her own because in the end you'll get used, too. It becomes a vicious cycle and you have to learn to stand on your own two feet and love and accept yourself. Because if you don't love you, how can you expect someone else to?
So that's my rant for this evening. I hope you take what I have said to heart for those of you who need to. And enjoy the song.

Love to all,
-Autumn the Music Girl

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

In My "Imaginary" World...

Hey Everyone,
     So I have been in kind of a weird mood today and I thought I would dive into something a little out of the ordinary- not in style of music but in message. I'm talking about the song "Imaginary" by Evanescence. "Imaginary" is from their first album, "Fallen". This song was never released as a single but I still love it.
     Let's go ahead into the lyric analysis. You can find the lyrics here. As the song begins you sort of get this sense of being inside Amy's dream world. I think that the "screaming alarm clocks" represent people who try to get her to wake up from being inside her own mind, just as the monsters who are calling her name. And she doesn't want to leave, which is why she is lingering in the doorway. The way she puts it makes it seem almost childlike which would very much fit with the song. And when you listen to the song the way she says "let me stay" seems almost like a child throwing a fit because little kids never want to stop pretending or grow up and face reality. And then she goes on to describe this imaginary world of hers. The second verse here is my personal favorite. It really explains how this world of hers came to be. The world is full of "rampant chaos" and she knows that very well. Basically, she decided that she wasn't interested in dealing with the things that go on in the world and she has escaped into her own dreamed up world where everything is better.Then she goes on to describe how her world was before she created this imaginary place- she had insomnia and possible panic attacks in the middle of the night and she just longed for some sleep. And so she dreamed up this world to help her get to sleep at night.
I think, whether we admit it or not, we all do this at times in our lives. I think it comes in various forms, however. Sometimes we all do things to try and escape reality because we don't want to deal with it. But unfortunately, you can't stay in that state forever. Because no matter what, life is always going to throw challenges your way and you have to face them one way or another. So as lovely as your imaginary world may be, you have to get up and face the day at some point. But challenges are a natural part of life and how you deal with them shapes who you are and you will become a stronger person for overcoming them. So don't see it as some horrible thing that you are dealing with alone- it happens to each and every one of us.
Love to all,
-Autumn the Music Girl

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Let's Go to the "Hospital For Souls"

Hey People,

     So I'm back with more Bring Me The Horizon! This is also off of the newest album, Sempiternal. It's the last track on the regular CD and it's one of my favorites- this is "Hospital For Souls".
     Here are the lyrics so you can follow along. This first part is spoken which I think adds a lot of depth to the song considering how really deep the words are. It's a rather profound little paragraph and it really sets the stage for the rest of the song. It's all about depression really and how hard it is to get out of and how it really feels when you're super depressed. Every day it's like there is no purpose to anything and when you're so depressed you are contemplating suicide, the days really are "a death wish". All you do is look for a way out of everything and you don't want to do anything. You lose interest in everything that once mattered. You feel completely powerless to do anything to help yourself. Sometimes you think about going to some group therapy or even some AA meeting or something if you've decided to self-medicate thinking it will help but then you just sit there because you don't want to admit what's wrong. It's a war every day and even the tiniest raised voice or angry look can make you burst into tears because you're that fragile. All you can think about is how messed up and worthless you are. And I love the analogy of life he gives here to an "empty staircase" because truly our lives are our own so we all really go through life alone. It especially feels like that when you have depression. You feel alone and it's like everyone around you disappears. 
I think this picture does a really good job of explaining how depression really feels and what it is. Then after explaining how it feels he goes on to say how nobody really wants to die. Sure there are people out there who don't fear death but it doesn't mean they want it. And people who are so depressed that they think of suicide... they don't really want to die either. They just want the pain and the numbness to stop. And unfortunately that's all they can see as a way out. And there seems to them to be no reason to live. There's just this emptiness in everything- nothing seems enjoyable or worth doing anymore and everything seems pointless and useless including yourself. And there is so much pain in your heart and you've had to numb yourself against so much that it feels like you've died a thousand times over
And really, you'd do anything just to feel alive again. Then he talks about how often people when you're depressed don't try to help they just sort of let you be eaten alive by the flames burning inside you and then you're consumed before anyone can blink an eye.

Then he talks about how people (mostly therapists and nurses and such) will ask you things like how you are on a scale of 1-10, one being the lowest you've ever felt and 10 being the best you've ever felt. But the problem is most of the time you don't really know how you feel because you just feel numb so that's a really hard question to answer. Then there's always "Do you want to talk about it?" and another problem is that most often you don't because you feel so alone you wonder to yourself, "How could anyone possibly understand?" 
And then there's the fact that most people who get really depressed do things like cut and skip meals. Most people think that things like this are stupid and petty and are just someone trying to get attention. I mean, sure, there are people out there who do do these things just for attention. But in all honesty thest are things that truly depressed people do to keep from doing something worse. I'm not saying self harm is good at ALL. I'm just saying I have been there and I'll tell you what goes through your head. You have all this sadness and anger and pain building up and building up and it's like you're walking blindfolded into the ocean. You just keep getting deeper and deeper into the water and you're drowning and you're screaming and crying but no one can hear you and then all of a sudden someone comes and pulls you out. That's what cutting feels like in this state of mind. It's the most relief you can possibly imagine. It's not good and it doesn't really solve anything but it's not about wanting to kill yourself as most people think. It's just a relief from everything inside.
     Oli ends the song by repeating the words "Hold me close, don't let go, watch me burn" and ending with the bit about the hospital for souls. And really I think that music like this is sort of like a hospital for the soul because it lets people in this state of mind know that they're not alone and that it does get better eventually. When you're this depressed it often doesn't seem like it'll get better and it often feels like you are the only person in the whole universe who feels the way you do. And it isn't true. There are millions of people battling depression every day. So just hold on and let yourself go to your own hospital for your soul and find one thing that makes you even remotely happy. You then have reason to live. Don't lose hope <3

Love to all,
-Autumn the Music Girl