Your Eyes Lay Lost In All The "City Lights"

Hey People,

     Well I think it's safe to say that I am definitely in a phase of being obsessed with Motionless In White, Bring Me The Horizon and Pierce the Veil. So this week it's Motionless. This song is off of their "Creatures" album although the song was originally released under the title "Bananamontana" on the album "When Love Met Destruction". Then they changed the lyrics a tiny bit along with the title and re-released it on "Creatures". 

     Chris has commented on this song, saying:

This is a song we recorded for an album which never officially got released. It was titled Banamontana. The songs, however, did leak online and this is one that I never expected people to like. But they did. Some friends who aren't fans of our music actually told me they love this song, which was crazy to me because I wasn't such a huge fan of it. We then found out over the years that a lot of people really like the Bananamontana version, so we re-recorded it to be an "official” version. 

     Well I think it's time to look at the lyrics. You can find them here as usual. So here's how I see this song, you have to start with some background. I think he found a girl he was really in love with and she suffered from very very severe depression. It affected him a lot and made him depressed but he still loved her and wanted her to be better but eventually she left him. So now he is alone and he is even more depressed because of it. In the first line he is saying that he is jealous of all the people in the city that go out at night and get to see this girl who is acting happy in that time. She goes out and parties and he's just keeping himself holed up in his house and he doesn't even know what to do without her. She became like a part of him and so nothing else seems to matter anymore. That's why "outside it looks like rain". He feels so hopeless that he wants to just end it all. And he knows that there is nothing he can do to help her, that she has to figure things out on her own. But that doesn't mean he doesn't want to try. And I think that even as much as she has hurt herself and him, that he still loves her and still thinks that she is beautiful even though she is lost in herself and her own pain.

Then he talks about himself a little bit... He decides he is going to end his life by candlelight so he can see some beauty before he goes and compares the wax dripping down the melting candle to his own blood dripping from his skin. Then he goes and he talks about their relationship how he had once thought it was romantic and how he then thought once she left that romance does not exist anymore and that there is only lust in this world. This line makes me think that perhaps she cheated on him. He makes the statement "You are the water in my lungs" and I think that really conveys his feelings- he is drowning in this girl. She (even while gone) is suffocating him. She is what is killing him. They have lost everything between them and maybe they've both even gone a little crazy... but the worst part is that they're alone now.

     Well I think my message here are these two things: nothing lasts forever and no one is worth killing yourself over. You have to know that every relationship has one of two outcomes- you either break up or get married. And even when you do get married there is still the possibility of breaking up and even if you don't, death is an inevitability. And then also realize that there is someone out there for everyone, so don't give up the possibility of a future even brighter than your present just because of one person. Life is an unending roller coaster and there will always be ups and downs, so just because you're in a down, don't give up on the fact that an up will come soon.
Love to all,
-Autumn the Music Girl

"Caraphernelia", A Broken Heart Disease

Hey Everyone,

     I can't believe I haven't talked about Pierce the Veil yet! Pierce the Veil is an American Post-Hardcore band that was formed by Mike and Vic Fuentes in San Diego, California. They have three albums and this song, "Caraphernelia" is from their second album, "Selfish Machines".
     About this song, Vic Fuentes has said:

"I've always been obsessed with happy songs that have morbid lyrics. Lyrically, this song is one of the darkest I've ever written. It's about being obsessed with someone to the point where you're hurting yourself. A lot of it is written almost like a suicide note meant to be found by the one you love. It's completely crazy and extreme, but it's also comforting to say out loud the things you're thinking sometimes."

     I think that it's time now to do the lyric analysis! Click here to go to the lyrics. So I think this song starts off when he is first deciding to let this girl go after she broke his heart. He sees her again and maybe she's trying to make him feel bad for breaking up with her but he tells her that he's over her and nothing she does or says will affect him anymore. But this isn't really true. It's just what he tells himself. But he has been really hurt by her, which is obvious by the line "Licking your fingers like you're done and you've decided there is so much more than me". But he can't help having feelings for her, so much it makes him shake. The line about the gun makes me think that he wants to kill himself because he doesn't want to deal with this anymore and the line about his heart says that no matter what he tells himself or anyone else, this girl is still his only reason to live.

With the chorus he's saying that he wants to forget about her and move on but he doesn't believe that he can even though  it hurts him. She will remain in his life forever even if it hurts and he doesn't want her to. And even if they did fix things, it would never be the same, so why bother? Then he goes on to sort of describe her characteristics- she's heartless and selfish. Then he compares her to an animal, killing her prey (which are men). She just gobbles up men and moves on. Perhaps even in this relationship he had really treated her well and given her lots of gifts, including a necklace, and she never appreciated them and now he is taking them back. The last line of this verse makes us think that this girl was a huge part of his life and that he had even talked to his mom about her and that maybe he was going to propose. Then he repeats his feelings in the chorus and in this little bridge part he is talking to her new boyfriend after seeing them together and he is begging to him to just give her back and that she is like a drug to him since he can't afford medication so she is the only thing that "fixes" him. The line about "collide invisible lips like a shadow on the wall" suggests that he wants to kiss her again even if it's in secret.

But she completely rejects him and he is heartbroken, thinking to himself "You can't just throw me away". Then it's like he has had enough time to think about how awfully she treated him and he decides that he is finally ready to let go of her and he doesn't even want to try anymore and he can learn to be okay by himself.
so I guess my message here is that in this situation, I hope you come to the same conclusion as he did in this song. When someone isn't treating you well, no matter how hard it may be at first, you have to let go. You WILL be okay. In fact, you'll be better off! So just... let go.
Love to all,
-Autumn the Music Girl

This is My "Winter Song"

Hey Everyone,

          Since it's been so wintry out I thought I would write about this beautiful song by Sara Bareilles and Ingrid Michaelson called "Winter Song". I absolutely love this song and actually am singing it at a performance on December 19th and may even make this my first cover on YouTube which I'll be hopefully starting soon.
     So as usual you can find the lyrics here. So as you can see it starts off with a bunch of "bum"s and I think that is basically setting the sort of "heartbeat" for the song. The first stanza of the first verse is really about that second line, "The storm is coming soon". And since this song is about a relationship, I assume that means she can tell that something bad is going to happen soon. She can feel it coming. In the second stanza she talks about how she hopes she can get him back. she hopes she can just talk to him and things will be okay and he will come back to her instead of leaving. And then she wonders if their love is still alive. Then she goes on to talk (as if she is talking to him) about what other people have told her. She tells him that they (her friends and family and such) have all told her that they are too far gone and that there is no way to fix them. But she still asks herself if there is something there.

And then comes the part where she realizes that everyone else is right. And things have gone cold between them and everything feels wrong now that he really is gone. But then she feels that heartbeat again and she starts to have hope. She reaches out to him hoping to get a response and she does but things aren't the same. It's still winter in their relationship. But she hopes that her love will be enough to bring him back. But in the end she is still constantly questioning... "Is love alive?"
     I think this is a rather profound song. It has a much deeper meaning than most people think, at least.

 I take a few things from this song- first, I think that if you feel a storm coming you need to be proactive. Talk to the person and if you can tell that there is no saving things, then as hard as it may be, get out. Second, it's okay to have hope but don't be tied down by it. I think everyone who is left always has hope that the person will come back. But it's not something you should hold on to forever. At some point you have to accept that they don't want you in their life, but you know what? It's their loss. And third, I think if you are wondering whether or not there is anything between you and another person, you should really ask yourself if you have feelings and most likely you don't. I find that if you are questioning something about how you feel, the answer is most often negative. But once you discover that, you're free. And you no longer have to question and feel like you're walking on eggshells.
     So free yourself... before you're trapped in winter forever.
Love to all,
-Autumn the Music Girl

The "Black Damask (The Fog)"

Hey Everyone,

     I decided to do another Motionless In White song because I just love them. This song is "Black Damask" from the "Infamous" album. It's the first song on the album and  though it has never been released as a single, it's one of my favorites from the album.
     Let's get started on the lyrics because this is kind of a lengthy song. You can find the words here. First he talks about himself and another person (we don't know who yet) but he is saying that he has this horrid black heart even if this person has "ice in (their) lungs". Then he makes a comment about the state of our world and our society, we all want to live this elegant life with this nice house and nice things but we also all want to do things that will prove to be destructive in the end in one way or another. And then I think he goes to talk about a relationship that is dead. It's basically saying that the relationship he is in is either dead or dying and he doesn't know what to do.

And that's basically what the song is about. The death of a relationship and how difficult that is when you don't want to let go. He feels cursed to always have things like this happen to him and it gets to the chorus where he just can't stop thinking about it and he keeps himself up at night, to where he realizes that not only has he been lying to himself but so has she and they've both been lying to each other thinking that everything will be okay. But it won't. He is finally realizing it and so everything he once knew becomes unfamiliar- even her. I think she was lying to him and he finally saw through it and realized she was not the person he thought she was, which is where the lines "Now what have you become? You once felt like home; Now a ghost in the fog." and ""Miss Cadaverous", show me who you really fucking are" come into play. And again it talks about how this relationship is just dead but for some reason they're both just holding on and in the end it's only hurting them both more. I really think the line "Though it doesn't beat it breaks" is beautiful because I know I've felt that way before and I'm sure I'm not the only one. When you don't feel anything but somehow you're still hurting.

And then he has this line where you can tell he just decides to end it. He realizes that the whole thing has just been a mistake and he's just done. He's going to just "burn it fucking down". And then I love the part where he says "Now go back to the start, I still hear her voice but she's lost in the fog". I have always found it interesting that when a relationship ends (most of the time) that the people say "Oh, we  can be just friends, right?" and in the end you always just go back to the way life was before you knew each other. You become just awkward familiar strangers. I think that's kind of what this line is conveying. That feeling of knowing someone who isn't really a part of your life, they're just lost in the fog of the rest of the world. Then I like what he goes on to say about this girl. Honestly there are too many girls out there who are insecure and lonely and they think that they can just use a guy to make themselves feel better and it's not okay. It just hurts everyone involved. That's what this girl did. She didn't really love him she just used his love to make herself feel better.
     So I have a few messages to deliver here...

1.  If you can feel in your relationship that something isn't right but you can't seem to let go for whatever reason, stop. You're just hurting yourself and the other person by continuing to build your web of lies that you still want to have a relationship with this person and you're not doing yourself any favors by believing it if that is what the other person is doing to you. You need to just let go- "right here, right now, burn it fucking down"
2.  If you are just using a guy to make yourself feel or "look" better, stop that too! It's not fair to him first of all and second of all no guy is going to actually make you feel better about yourself. You can't just use love as a way to solve all your problems. It can't fix what's in your heart. You can't love someone else truly if you don't love yourself and it isn't fair to you to make yourself think that you can. In the end everything will just break apart and you'll feel awful again and you won't know what to do without a guy by your side. You can't let yourself become one of those girls who can't stand to be on her own because in the end you'll get used, too. It becomes a vicious cycle and you have to learn to stand on your own two feet and love and accept yourself. Because if you don't love you, how can you expect someone else to?

So that's my rant for this evening. I hope you take what I have said to heart for those of you who need to. And enjoy the song.

Love to all,
-Autumn the Music Girl

In My "Imaginary" World...

Hey Everyone,

     So I have been in kind of a weird mood today and I thought I would dive into something a little out of the ordinary- not in style of music but in message. I'm talking about the song "Imaginary" by Evanescence. "Imaginary" is from their first album, "Fallen". This song was never released as a single but I still love it.
     Let's go ahead into the lyric analysis. You can find the lyrics here. As the song begins you sort of get this sense of being inside Amy's dream world. I think that the "screaming alarm clocks" represent people who try to get her to wake up from being inside her own mind, just as the monsters who are calling her name. And she doesn't want to leave, which is why she is lingering in the doorway. The way she puts it makes it seem almost childlike which would very much fit with the song. And when you listen to the song the way she says "let me stay" seems almost like a child throwing a fit because little kids never want to stop pretending or grow up and face reality. And then she goes on to describe this imaginary world of hers. The second verse here is my personal favorite. It really explains how this world of hers came to be. The world is full of "rampant chaos" and she knows that very well. Basically, she decided that she wasn't interested in dealing with the things that go on in the world and she has escaped into her own dreamed up world where everything is better.Then she goes on to describe how her world was before she created this imaginary place- she had insomnia and possible panic attacks in the middle of the night and she just longed for some sleep. And so she dreamed up this world to help her get to sleep at night.

I think, whether we admit it or not, we all do this at times in our lives. I think it comes in various forms, however. Sometimes we all do things to try and escape reality because we don't want to deal with it. But unfortunately, you can't stay in that state forever. Because no matter what, life is always going to throw challenges your way and you have to face them one way or another. So as lovely as your imaginary world may be, you have to get up and face the day at some point. But challenges are a natural part of life and how you deal with them shapes who you are and you will become a stronger person for overcoming them. So don't see it as some horrible thing that you are dealing with alone- it happens to each and every one of us.
Love to all,
-Autumn the Music Girl

Let's Go to the "Hospital For Souls"

Hey People,

     So I'm back with more Bring Me The Horizon! This is also off of the newest album, Sempiternal. It's the last track on the regular CD and it's one of my favorites- this is "Hospital For Souls".

     Here are the lyrics so you can follow along. This first part is spoken which I think adds a lot of depth to the song considering how really deep the words are. It's a rather profound little paragraph and it really sets the stage for the rest of the song. It's all about depression really and how hard it is to get out of and how it really feels when you're super depressed. Every day it's like there is no purpose to anything and when you're so depressed you are contemplating suicide, the days really are "a death wish". All you do is look for a way out of everything and you don't want to do anything. You lose interest in everything that once mattered. You feel completely powerless to do anything to help yourself. Sometimes you think about going to some group therapy or even some AA meeting or something if you've decided to self-medicate thinking it will help but then you just sit there because you don't want to admit what's wrong. It's a war every day and even the tiniest raised voice or angry look can make you burst into tears because you're that fragile. All you can think about is how messed up and worthless you are. And I love the analogy of life he gives here to an "empty staircase" because truly our lives are our own so we all really go through life alone. It especially feels like that when you have depression. You feel alone and it's like everyone around you disappears. 

I think this picture does a really good job of explaining how depression really feels and what it is. Then after explaining how it feels he goes on to say how nobody really wants to die. Sure there are people out there who don't fear death but it doesn't mean they want it. And people who are so depressed that they think of suicide... they don't really want to die either. They just want the pain and the numbness to stop. And unfortunately that's all they can see as a way out. And there seems to them to be no reason to live. There's just this emptiness in everything- nothing seems enjoyable or worth doing anymore and everything seems pointless and useless including yourself. And there is so much pain in your heart and you've had to numb yourself against so much that it feels like you've died a thousand times over

And really, you'd do anything just to feel alive again. Then he talks about how often people when you're depressed don't try to help they just sort of let you be eaten alive by the flames burning inside you and then you're consumed before anyone can blink an eye.

Then he talks about how people (mostly therapists and nurses and such) will ask you things like how you are on a scale of 1-10, one being the lowest you've ever felt and 10 being the best you've ever felt. But the problem is most of the time you don't really know how you feel because you just feel numb so that's a really hard question to answer. Then there's always "Do you want to talk about it?" and another problem is that most often you don't because you feel so alone you wonder to yourself, "How could anyone possibly understand?" 

And then there's the fact that most people who get really depressed do things like cut and skip meals. Most people think that things like this are stupid and petty and are just someone trying to get attention. I mean, sure, there are people out there who do do these things just for attention. But in all honesty thest are things that truly depressed people do to keep from doing something worse. I'm not saying self harm is good at ALL. I'm just saying I have been there and I'll tell you what goes through your head. You have all this sadness and anger and pain building up and building up and it's like you're walking blindfolded into the ocean. You just keep getting deeper and deeper into the water and you're drowning and you're screaming and crying but no one can hear you and then all of a sudden someone comes and pulls you out. That's what cutting feels like in this state of mind. It's the most relief you can possibly imagine. It's not good and it doesn't really solve anything but it's not about wanting to kill yourself as most people think. It's just a relief from everything inside.
     Oli ends the song by repeating the words "Hold me close, don't let go, watch me burn" and ending with the bit about the hospital for souls. And really I think that music like this is sort of like a hospital for the soul because it lets people in this state of mind know that they're not alone and that it does get better eventually. When you're this depressed it often doesn't seem like it'll get better and it often feels like you are the only person in the whole universe who feels the way you do. And it isn't true. There are millions of people battling depression every day. So just hold on and let yourself go to your own hospital for your soul and find one thing that makes you even remotely happy. You then have reason to live. Don't lose hope <3

Love to all,
-Autumn the Music Girl

I Will Love You "Unconditionally"

Hey Everyone,

     I bet you all thought I'd be writing about metal and stuff forever... but NOPE! I actually just heard this song this weekend and it's really speaking to me. This is off of Katy Perry's new album, Prism, and the song is "Unconditionally".
     Katy has actually talked about her inspiration for this song and a lot of it is for her boyfriend, John Mayer (yes, they are still together). He has a bad reputation but if she can learn to love him despite all that then I'm all for it. Her other inspiration for this was a trip she took to Africa.

‘Unconditionally’ was influenced by my boyfriend and also really influenced by Africa. I went to Madagascar and did a UNICEF trip that changed my life and gave me this song. It’s just a simple message about loving someone and accepting them and kind of driving at you don’t have to be so self-conscious, you don’t have to fear, because essentially, everybody has their stuff. Nobody comes stuff-free. Everybody has their things and you’re never going to be perfect, and accepting that and understanding that, especially in a relationship, it makes room for a real, genuine kind of love.”

So now that you have an idea of where Katy is coming from on this song, let's go look at the lyrics, which you can find here.
     So in this first verse she talks about how her relationship is progressing to the point where all of his insecurities and faults and past mistakes are coming out but how that doesn't really faze her .For right now I'm going to just skip on to the next verse, which talks more about how she just accepts him for who he is in this moment. I think in any relationship this is something that's really important. I mean, it's important to talk about the past but it's also important to not judge or be judged for it. And she knows that in any relationship there are good days and bad days and you just have to roll with those. And then she lets him know that she'd do anything for him because she loves him.

And then in the bridge she tells him go just let go of his past and open up his heart and just love her and let her love him. For some people it's really hard to let another person in because they've been hurt a lot and let down a lot. And then she says that "Acceptance is the key to be, to be truly free" and I think this is a really profound statement because it is a key component to a successful relationship but at the same time, you can't be too accepting. You can't just let someone get away with whatever they want, but at the same time, you don't want to be one of those people who can never forgive anyone for anything. But the main message of this song is just to love unconditionally and that that is the only way to truly have a successful relationship- one that will last for a lifetime. It's the kind of love a parent has to a child, where no matter what you do, though it can cause tension and make you mad, you will always love that person. It's the message that no matter what, nothing will change how you feel about that person. And that, my friends, is true and genuine and 100% real love.
     So accept one another and don't worry about what has happened in the past. Focus on now and learn to love unconditionally. Because that is real love and there is a freedom in that that you can't find anywhere else.
Love to you all,
-Autumn the Music Girl